Imagine

Matthew I can hardly express,
My mixed emotion at my thoughtlessness,
After all I'm forever in your debt,
And Matthew I will try express,
My inner feelings and thankfullness,
For showing me the meaning of succsess,
oooh well, well,
oooh well, well,

Rebecca I know you understand
The little child inside the man,
Please remember my life is in your hands,
And Rebecca hold me close to your heart,
However, distant don't keep us apart,
After all it is written in the stars,
oooh well, well,
oooh well, well,

Children please let me explain,
I never meant to cause you sorrow or pain,
So let me tell you again and again and again,
I love you (yeah, yeah) now and forever,
I love you (yeah, yeah) now and forever,
I love you (yeah, yeah) now and forever,
I love you (yeah, yeah)...

---John Lennon, "Woman"
(lyrical changes my own contribution)

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

(No witty Lenten reflection booked)

Yesterday's lack of a reflection was meant to represent the dark night of the soul. Or the absence of the presence of God meant to signify the need for true faith. Or just the fact that I forgot. I don't know. J

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

To Emily, Wherever I May Find Her

Emily;

I know we don't talk much, haven't texted in a long time, but I just wanted to drop you a line and say hi. And tell you that your mother loves you.

I met your mom in November of 1988. In fact, I can remember the day well- it was the day after election day. I had lunch with my best friend, and then called her later to tell her how I wanted to kill myself. Depression was kind of a problem for me. My best friend couldn't handle it, but she knew someone who could, and later that night I found myself in an apartment above a rib joint, sharing leftover quiche with a woman named Marie. Your mom.

From the very first moment I met her I was taken with her. She was sort of a rebel, going jogging at midnight alone, sneaking into graduate level classes as a freshman, asking questions in Bible studies when you just didn't do that kind of thing. She was free-spirited and attractive as hell, which meant that I didn't have a chance, although the fact that she had a boyfriend wasn't going to stop me from thinking about what could be. College relationships don't last long, maybe I could get my foot in the door.

Well, relationships come and go, but when they come and go during winter break, with her in Illinois and me in Ohio, I never had a chance. In 1990 I graduated from college, with Marie promising to stay in touch. Later that year she stayed in touch all right; I got a letter from her telling me that she had met a guy named Rich, she was now pregnant, and would I please not judge her? Of course I wouldn't judge her. I loved her. But I finished that letter and cried. On May 5, 1991 they had a child- your sister Joy. And the door I was trying to get a foot in had just slammed shut. Sure wish I had gotten my foot out of the way.

Lesson to be learned: it doesn't matter whether you are 15 or 25 or 45, when your love chooses another, it hurts like hell.

She's been through a lot of pain in her life. There are a lot of things I wish I could tell you but I just can't. You know how it is- you have best friends. You never sell them out. Certain things will go to the grave. But no matter what she should have done and didn't, or shouldn't have done but did, she loves you. Trust me on this. I love your mom more than anything else in the world. I see a side of her that no one sees. And I know that she cares about what happens to you. Has she expressed it imperfectly at times? Yes. But she loves you and Katie more than words can say.

Is your dad an asshole? You know the answer to that question better than I, but I am guessing that the answer is yes. Any man who gives up on his children isn't a man. I would kick his ass for you if I could, but since he was in the National Guard, he could probably kick my ass J I wish I could change how things turned out in your family life. There isn't a week that goes by when I don't wish that things had worked out differently for you, Joy and Marie. But there are people who still care about you. Don't give up. Oh please don't give up.

Do you remember when you sent your poetry to me? You told me how glad you were that someone was taking an interest in the things that you had written. I haven't stopped taking an interest. I am looking forward to seeing your work published. I am looking forward to seeing your first novel. Although if you go on The View, I might not be watching J You have a lot to offer the world. But beyond your talent, beyond your gifts, you are valuable because you are, not because of what you can do. You have worth because you are Emily.

O, I believe
Fate smiled and destiny
Laughed as she came to my cradle
Know this child will be able
Laughed as my body she lifted
Know this child will be gifted
With love, with patience and with faith
She'll make her way
---Natalie Merchant, "Wonder"

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

WWJD

I think you know what Jesus would do. So do it already.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

A Man I’ll Never Be

If I said what's on my mind
You'd turn and walk away
Disappearing way back in your dreams
It's so hard to be unkind
So easy just to say
That everything is just the way it seems

You look up at me
And somewhere in your mind you see
A man I'll never be

If only I could find a way
I'd feel like I'm the man you believe I am
And it gets harder every day for me
To hide behind this dream you see
A man I'll never be

I can't get any stronger
I can't climb any higher
You'll never know just how hard I've tried
Cry a little longer
And hold a little tighter
Emotions can't be satisfied

You look up at me
And somewhere in your mind you see
A man I'll never be

If only I could find a way
I'd feel like I'm the man you believe I am
And it gets harder every day for me
To hide behind this dream you see
A man I'll never be
---Boston, "A Man I'll Never Be"

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

The Man I Want To Be

God, I'm down here on my knees
Cause it's the last place left to fall
Beggin' for another chance
If there's any chance at all
That you might still be listenin'
Lovin' and forgivin' guys like me
I've spent my whole life gettin' it all wrong
And I sure could use your help cause from now on

I wanna be a good man
A do like I should' man
I wanna be the kind of man the mirror likes to see
I wanna be a strong man
And admit that I was wrong, man
God I'm asking you to come change me
into the man I wanna be

There's anyway for her and me to make another start
Could you see what you could do
To put some love back in her heart
Cuz' it going to take a miracle
After all I've done to really make her see

That I wanna be a stay man
I wanna be a brave man
I wanna be the kind of man that she sees in her dreams
God, I wanna be your man
And I wanna be her man
God, I only hope she still believes
In the man I wanna be

Well, I know this late at night that talk is cheap
But Lord, don't give up on me

I wanna be a givin' man
I wanna really start livin' man
God, I'm asking you to come change me
into the man I wanna be

---Chris Young, "The Man I Want To Be"

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

To Be A Man

What does it take to be a man?
What does it take to see
It's all heart and soul
A gentle hand?
So easy to want and so hard to give
How can you be a man
'Til you see beyond the life you live?
Oh, what does it take to be a man?

We can be blind, but a man tries to see
It takes tenderness
For a man to be what he can be
And what does it mean
If you're weak or strong?
A gentle feeling
Can make it right or make it wrong
What does it take to be a man?

The will to give and not receive
The strength to say what you believe
The heart to feel what others feel inside
To see what they can see

A man is something that's real
It's not what you are
It's what you can feel
It can't be too late
To look through the hate and see
I know that's what a man can be

---Boston, "To Be A Man"

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

Now that I have your attention

It's rarely sweaty.

It rarely shakes the walls.

It's never how it looks on TV.

By the time you are married for more than 10 years it likely only happens once a month. If that.

When you're entering the Most Holy Place, crying out to God, that is the time when ecstasy gives way to a back spasm that makes you curse the day you were born.

Even an atheist is praying that the kids will stay asleep for…just…one…more…MINUTE!

But you still live for that moment. You live for that remembrance. You live for the look that sees past your very soul, the look that speaks of unshakeable trust, a trust that allows someone to lay open the very areas that remain concealed from the very earliest moments of childhood.

Maybe that moment is a myth. Maybe that moment doesn't exist in a world of unemployment and children and words that you can't take back.

In a rare quiet time your mind wanders to the day. You see the unseen. An unveiling. A revelation. A moment when you encounter the Divine and you know you are encountering the Divine because OH GOD HOW CAN ANYTHING ELSE BE…THIS…

good….

And even the word "good" cannot fully express what just happened. Superlatives used to give expression to the most ecstatic of experiences cannot capture the feeling, the mood, the MOMENT.

The moment when knowledge is speechless. When the world ceases to exist.

When two are one.

Hot Sex!

Now that I have your attention….

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

Grace

Grace- undeserved favor. Or so the theological dictionaries would have you believe.

I once knew a woman named Elizabeth. Not in the biblical sense. Elizabeth was a Christian of a few months standing and still had that new Christian glow about her. Very zealous, very likable.

And very attractive.

Elizabeth had just turned 19 when I started to get to know her. We went to the same college, were part of the same Bible Study group, and lived in dorms across the field from each other. One night I was asked to walk her home. Not a problem. Needed an excuse to get to know her anyway. One week turned into another. The next week I asked her to have dinner with me in the dorm dining hall. Soon after we spent a weekend walking and talking, and I found myself head over heels in love with this woman. I couldn't wait until I could give her my class ring, because, well, that's what geeks do when they have never had a girlfriend and didn't know the proper procedure in 1988. I sincerely thought she was the one.

She wasn't the one.

But I thought I could convince her otherwise.

Note to the lovesick: you can't convince someone to love you.

A couple of years later, after enduring my many efforts to monopolize her attention, she told me in no uncertain terms that we couldn't be friends. I made it too hard on her. She had a life, and while my friendship was part of it, it wasn't the whole thing, and in order to get me to finally figure that out, we needed a sabbatical from friendship.

I was crushed. Heartbroken. It took me a long time to get over her, especially after she started dating someone, but get over her I did. I didn't have contact with Elizabeth for 8 years.

In 1998 I was getting married. In an effort to share the news, and maximize the gift count, I sent her an invitation. She was happy to hear from me and overjoyed at my news. A couple of months after the ceremony she was our first dinner guest.

And that was it. Fences mended, bridges restored to pre-burned greatness.

I didn't hear from her for many years after that, but it didn't matter anymore. I had made amends, and that was my ultimate goal. We ended up connecting via Facebook, and got together for coffee 12 years after I served her roast beef at dinner. We talked about life, we talked about death, we talked about her father whose sickness would soon hasten his reunion with Jesus. I was struck with how her faith in Jesus had grown and thrived while others who had gone to college with us had fallen by the wayside. I was happy to count her among my close friends once again, but one question tugged on my shirtsleeve like a dirty orphan boy…

Why had no one married this wonderful woman?

I have known a lot of people who have mucked up a lot of relationships. I've seen people get married and divorced, some by their own fault, some by the fault of others. Some of us didn't deserve the opportunity we had been given. Maybe none of us deserve it; if we have a good marriage, it's by grace, that favor we are granted which is totally undeserved. We don't deserve to have someone pledge their lives to our love and protection. We don't deserve to have someone vow to honor us, love us, in sickness and in health, until death parts us.

Elizabeth deserves it.

Are you listening, Lord?

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

The Pro-Choice Movement is not

It's all about freedom of choice. It's all about keeping the U.S. Government out of a woman's uterus. It isn't about abortion per se; it's about the freedom to choose between a number of alternatives, abortion being simply one of many.

Or so they would have you believe.

I may be politically left of center, but I have a low tolerance for bullcrap, and the pro-choice movement is certainly good at dishing it out. Freedom of choice. Let's unpack that for a minute. It's all about freedom of choice, until a woman like Pam Tebow makes a choice that doesn't fit their pre-conceived definition of what a good choice is. It's all about freedom of choice, until Michelle Duggar decides to have as many babies as she is allowed by her creator and her biology. Then it's all about ridiculing her choice and comparing her "womanly area" to a clown car.

(And speaking of Pam Tebow, I'm still waiting for this supposedly controversial ad to air. The pro-choice movement of this nation owes me an apology for wasting my time.)

I believe in the freedom to choose; I also believe that that particular freedom is not unlimited. There are certain choices people should not be allowed to make, even if it is dealing solely with their own body. Even the pro-choice factions would agree. Ask the most rabid feminist whether a woman should participate in the production of pornography. They would tell you (and rightfully so) that pornography cheapens our view of women, that it reduces women to a mere function, that of a glorified sex doll. But if a women chooses to pose, to strip, to screw Ron Jeremy… eww, forget I said that last one. But you see what I'm driving at. A person who is "pro-choice" is really only about protecting their choices.

In an age in which tolerance is the new shibboleth, pro-choicers are the most intolerant of them all. Even as they scream otherwise.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

The Passion of the Christ

Surely our griefs He Himself bore, And our sorrows He carried; Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, Smitten of God, and afflicted. But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, And by His scourging we are healed.
---Isaiah 53:4-5

Christ died to make assholes into good people. He did not die so good people could behave like assholes.

Remember that come election time.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

Lo These 40 Days of Lent

Lesson number one: a paczki is a jelly doughnut. A paczki is a freaking jelly doughnut! And you can get jelly doughnuts year round. So forget about standing in line outside "a genuine Polish bakery", just go to Krispy Kreme. Forget about looking down your nose at people because you grew up in Parma and that's where the good stuff is at. A PACZKI IS A FREAKING JELLY DOUGHNUT. No more and no less.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.