Tuesday, March 01, 2016

Peace I give to you

(this one will win me some friends and lose me some others. So you've been warned.)

To Robin;

You don't know who I am. I only know who you are because you are Twitter followers with one of my friends on Twitter. I wanted to wish you peace. But first, a story.

I am a 49-year-old man. I come from a generation where men were "men", and women were "women". The quotation marks are there for a reason, because in my generation people generally lived according to the stereotypes of what men were and what women were. Sure, there were people who attempted to break out of the box, but there were far more people ready with weapons to shove them back in.

I grew up as a boy, and later a man, who identified with the gender I was born biologically with. I still do. But I struggled with the stereotypes of what a man was supposed to like and not like; how a man was supposed to act and not act. I wasn't a fan of race cars; I didn't care about weapons and who went to war with who; as I grew older I was more comfortable in the company of other women than I ever was with most guys. I still am.

It's a struggle to want to live a certain way yet be expected to act in ways that make people more "comfortable". I have two children, and damn do I love those two children. I would lay down my life for them. I've wanted children from my earliest high school years. Yet in my generation growing up it wasn't "cool" for guys to love children and want a family. A little more accepted now. But not too much or society look upon you as a perv.

It's a struggle emotionally to feel things that a guy isn't supposed to feel. My two children live in group homes now for developmentally disabled individuals. I regularly weep from the depths of my being for those two children. I feel a bond with those two children that most people think only exists between a mother and child. Yet I feel it. Deeply.

I can identify with struggle, but not with the struggles you may be having. But you are expressing yourself. You are living the way you feel inside, and I respect the hell out of that. I respect you, and I wish you peace. Please, live the way you feel. It is going to be hard, and there will be assholes to "set you straight". But ultimately you have to be comfortable with you.

I apologize for those of my generation who don't get it. But you are one up on me in that you have resources, and people around you who understand.

Robin, I wish you peace.