God and Man on Twitter
Sean MacNair @y2daddy
Dear God;
Yeah, you and me, we have some issues to discuss. Like this autism shit. I mean, WTF?
Matthew is targeting my wife, beating on her, and you're just sitting around listening to the Dead with your headphones on. Or something.
We can't take much more, Jesus. Now forgive me for being blunt, but I don't have time to get all religious for you. Here's the thing...
I've done this for 30 years, dude. Went to Mass, ran the gamut of Protestant churches, danced in the aisles, Christian rock concerts...
I put on a tie and went door to door for you, man! A tie! Satan's noose!
I studied theology for a year, God. Now that's when you know I'm hardcore.
Sorry I was interrupted there, God, but when one of MY children is in trouble and needs me, I go to him or her.
I don't say "you know Matt, you are banging your head, and you need me, but my answer is wait. Just wait until my perfect timing".
So Jesus, here's the thing. We need some intervention NOW. Not in the sweet bye and bye, not conditional on how much money I give, NOW.
You have the power to make us all believe in you, but when we call you in our despair, you don't come through. I heard that somewhere.
So what do you think, huh, God? Help my son to calm down? Let his head heal before he busts it open again? Can I count on you?
Or are you too busy appearing in tortillas and crying statues? C'mon, I don't mean any disrespect, God, but I'm running out of time here.
So give us just a smidgeon of peace here, and I'll renegotiate my contract with you. I'll do all the stuff. But you need to meet me halfway.
Are we good, God? OK. Glad we had this little chat. Oh yeah, one more thing. #FindAvonte . Unless you aren't all seeing after all.
Yeah, I know, God, that's another discussion for another time. Let's do Panera sometime, OK? Cool. In Jesus' name, Amen.
posted by The Man at 12:03 PM
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