In the small scheme of things
The news trickled in slowly, but soon it was known. A gunman
shoots his way into an elementary school and kills 20 kids and six adults. 20
kids, ages 6-7. If there ever was a time for the nation to ask itself “WTF?”,
it was at this time. (Frak if you’re a Galactica fan, the other word if you
aren’t.) There was no other way to express it. This just shouldn’t happen.
It didn’t take long for people to come up with means of
expressing it. The media’s way was to show pictures of terrified kids and
crying adults. While this accurately conveys somewhat of the emotion of being
there, I would rather have not seen these pictures. These people didn’t need
the press descending on the crime scene. Twitter, of course, was abuzz with “the
latest”, usually ended up being proven false. “Retweet this to show respect!”,
as if my retweeting a picture of a letter that was obviously a fake meant
anything. Within minutes of the story hitting the national scene there was a
Wikipedia entry on the situation. Soon after the Facebook tribute pages popped
up. “Post this picture of a candle to show respect.” “Post this picture of
Jesus welcoming children into the kingdom of Heaven to show how much you care.”
(Nobody is asking the question why Jesus didn’t just jam the dude’s gun so
these kids could stay alive, but that’s another discussion for another time.)
Here’s a good one: #prayfornewtown. What does that mean and what does that do?
People who hold to no belief system at all hashtagged Twitter posts
#prayfornewtown. Again, if I’m going to
pray for Jesus to bring his peace to these families suffering unspeakable loss,
I might as well ask why Jesus didn’t just spare the kids so the family could
have peace anyway. I can’t pray at this point. If you can, well, you’re a
better man than I am, Gunga Din.
It might have taken an hour, maybe less, but gun control
suddenly became the issue du jour. People on both sides of the rift insisted
that “I don’t want to politicize this
situation, but this needs to be said!” followed by something that, quite
frankly, didn’t need to be said. If you didn’t want to politicize the
situation, then why didn’t you just shut the hell up for 24 hours and let these
people grieve in peace? The answer is that most of the time it isn’t the quote
that “needed to be said”, it’s the person who needed to do the saying. There
are few things that “need to be said” right away. “Excuse me” when I belch, “I
love you” to my wife, and “don’t go in there” when I hit the Head. Most other
things can wait. But people have to be seen caring. They don’t know how to
react in the face of such suffering, but they want to be seen reacting so they
aren’t thought of as some unfeeling butthead. They know that people in Newtown
aren’t likely to see the picture of the candle they reposted, but the people on
their friends list will see it and say “aww, that really shows that Johnny
Facebookgeek cares about something greater than himself.”
So what is the proper reaction to unspeakable tragedy for
someone who doesn’t reside within 50 miles of Newtown, Connecticut?
Does that cover it?
There is no proper reaction. To cry would be an appropriate
reaction; to want to send a card or financial gift to help with funeral costs,
that would be an appropriate reaction; to hug your kids and not let go, that
would be an appropriate reaction. All of these are appropriate, but none of
them are “proper”, in that you can’t just say “if you really care, you
will sign this petition to repeal the 2nd Amendment” or “if you really
care, you will stop playing fantasy football or ordering out for pizza or
having sex with your wife for the whole weekend.” Out of respect. After all,
how can you think that your Saturday Monopoly game with Grandma and cousin Jed
is at all meaningful in light of this horrendous tragedy?
The conundrum that we face as human beings is that we want
to care for “the grand scheme of things”, but we don’t live in the grand scheme
of things, we live in the small scheme of things. In the grand scheme of
things, my son playing with his poop is not important in the light of such a
tragedy. I need to thank God that I still have my son. True enough. But in the
small scheme of things, I still have to clean the poop off the wall. In the
grand scheme of things, the death of a cat cannot ever be compared to the death
of a child. It is not even close to being close to being close. In the small
scheme of things, when you have a cat for a long time and you have it put to
sleep, it hurts a hell of a lot.
A very good friend of mine was over joyed at receiving a
bracelet from her husband. She posted a picture of her wrist with the bracelet
on it a day after the tragedy. She was overjoyed and even cried. Now, in the
grand scheme of things, how could she cry over receiving a bracelet? How could
she be happy in the face of such suffering? But we don’t live in the grand
scheme of things, we live in the small scheme of things, and in the small
scheme of things, if there is one woman in the world who deserves to explode
with joy whenever her husband smiles at her or buys her something nice it is
this woman, who waited so long to get married but didn’t stop living life
waiting for it to happen.
I’m sorrowful, but I laugh. I want to be still, but I have
been out most of the day. I’m
reflectful, but I’m writing this blog. This blog means nothing. This blog means
something to someone.
We live in a constant tension. Better to just embrace the
tension rather than be made to feel guilty because you enjoyed a chicken
sandwich with special dressing and dared to say so. We want to have answers. We
don’t have answers. Embrace the ambiguity. We want to cry. We laugh at a joke.
Neither are wrong. If you live in Newtown, maybe cackling at a dumb blonde joke
might not be the best thing to do. But even in Newtown, someone is going to pop
in the Tootsie DVD tonight because they need a laugh.
In the small scheme of things, that Tootsie DVD might be the
very thing they need.