Saturday, June 25, 2005

Hang on to the clear light

I, for one, realize that now I need more... There is a need of effort, deepening, change and transformation... I do have a past to break with, an accumulation of inertia, waste, wrong, follishness, rot, junk, a great need of clarification of mindfulness, or rather of no mind- a reurn to genuine practice, right effort, need to push onto the great doubt. Need for the Spirit.

Hang on to the clear light!
---Thomas Merton, Woods, Shore, Desert, pg. 48.

What do I want God to do for me?
I want to return to the zeal and desire for Him that I've had in years past.
I want the Word to become my daily bread; I want it to be living and active in my life; I want it to become my most precious possession.
I want to feel loved by God. I want it to move from my head to my heart.
I want Jesus to be my best friend.
I want Jesus to forgive my sins and purify me, to take this heart of stone and give me a tender heart of flesh.
I want to feel the fire of God burn in my life, from my intellect to my will to my emotions.
I want God to unite me to His church, and not just a congregation, but a select group of people that I can look to for support.
I want to actively desire God, not just know in my head that I need Him.

Lord I groan
Lord I kneel
I'm crying out for something real
Because I know deep in my soul
There must be more

Lord I'm tired
Yes, I'm weak
I need your power to work in me
'Cause I can't let go
I keep hanging on
There must be more

River flow
Fire burn
Holy Spirit breathe on me
---David Ruis, "There Must Be More"

Living embers, lying dormant
Fan into flame revival fire again
Sacred promises, seek fulfillment
Fan into flame revival fire again

Cleansing your house with the power of love
Holy repentance through your blood
Fan into flame revival fire again
---Brian Doerksen, "Revival Fire"

I am here to buy gold
Refined in the fire
Naked and poor
Wretched and blind I come
Clothe me in white
So I won't be ashamed
Lord, light the fire again
---Brian Doerksen, "Light The Fire Again"

---journal entry, February 11, 1997


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