Monday, May 23, 2005

The day the music died

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well, yes, I'm still running
You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
And my shame
All my shame
You know I believe it

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
---U2, "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"

I had reached the pinnacle of the search, the top of the mountain. Biblical Christianity was finally within my grasp. I had a verse for every objection, and if I didn't, I could always fling some Karl Keating or Scott Hahn tapes at someone. I moved back to Elyria after graduating from Bowling Green and started attending Mass regularly. I wasn't really committed to any particular parish, I was just trying to find my place in the grand scheme of things.

What did/do I like about the Catholic Church? The mass is a calming agent to my soul. It's not about entertainment, it really is about prayer and worship. And they had explanations for the mass from the Bible.

What didn't/don't I like about it? In the same way zealous Protestants don't see the good in the Catholic Church, zealous Catholics don't see the good in Protestants. Arrogant people exist on both sides. The Catholic Church has as much right to call themselves biblical as any other church, but there are an awful lot of dead Catholics and liberal Catholic churches. Judgmental? You're right, it is judgmental, but that's how I felt at the time. I couldn't understand how people who had been given such a treasure could just sit on it and cover it up, not concerned whether anyone else ever new what they had.

What did I do about that treasure? I certainly alerted people to its existence. I got on this new thing called the Internet and took on anti-Catholics, I gave a talk to a charismatic prayer group about apologetics, I listened to all the latest tapes from the top apologists like Hahn, Gerry Matatics and James Akin. I studied the menu until I could recite it backwards and forwards, but I never ate the meal. My spiritual life was suffering, partially for reasons that won't be expounded upon in a public forum, but partially because I didn't put the same effort into seeking God that I put into collecting the latest and the greatest Christian music. I bought Catholic books but didn't read them. I called myself Catholic, but I didn't do Catholicism.

Somewhere about 1992 I stopped going to church at all. I went for a good 5 years without going to any church two weeks in a row. I visited several churches but never stayed. I constantly pined for "the good old days" of my spiritual life, when I looked forward to attending church and I read the Bible for food and not for ammunition.

The three men I admire most
The Father, Son and Holy Ghost
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died
---Don McClean, "American Pie"


Post a Comment

<< Home