Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Thy will be done

I tried to write a play once. I have this weird sense of humor, and some of the things that I find uproariously funny others take offense at. I thought this was good.

SETTING: A man kneeling in a pew, about to say the Lord’s Prayer.

MAN: Our Father, who art in heaven…
(A bearded man in a bathrobe appears. He is carrying a bowl of cereal.)
UNKNOWN MAN: You called?
M: (gives the bearded man an annoyed look and shifts a little farther down the pew. He continues.) Our Father, who art IN HEAVEN (emphasizing the last two words as he looks at the other man), hallowed be thy name…
UM: Why thank you! (He eats a spoonful of cereal.)
M: Can I… help you?
UM: Oh no, I was just enjoying my breakfast when I heard you call on my father. Go on, continue. I’m sorry for bothering you. Go…go (making little waving motions with his hands).
M: (rolling his eyes and clearing his throat) Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come….
UM: (with a quick snort and chuckle) You know, I’ve heard that line a few billion times, and I always find it hilarious. Most of the time you people don’t even know what you’re asking. (shakes his head) Oh man….
M: What do you mean?
UM: (putting his cereal bowl down) You Americans, you don’t even know what a kingdom is! You don’t know what that means! Oh, Bill and Hillary tried, and Dubya sure thinks he’s building a kingdom, but you have no clue. A kingdom has a king. Absolute authority! If the king says jump, you say “How high?” If the king says run, you say “How far?” (adopting a faux military tone) Have I made myself clear?
M: (jumping to attention) Sir, yes sir!
UM: I can’t hear you!
M: (louder) Sir, yes… (stops and looks around sheepishly, as if he can’t believe he’s doing this)… sir (weakly)
UM: That’s better. And don’t call me sir, I work for a living. Now go ahead, continue.
M: …Thy kingdom come, thy will be done (bearded man rolls his eyes at this statement), on earth as it is in heaven…
UM: (begins to laugh uncontrollably) Stop, stop, you’re killing me! (takes a minute to catch his breath) Do you think about these words as you're repeating them? Don't they register with you at all?
M: Sure! Who wouldn’t want God’s will to be done?
UM: Yes, great sentiment, and my father is pleased with the good thoughts. But consider the wording here for a minute. “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” ON EARTH… as it is… IN HEAVEN. Now, when you were driving in to work last Friday morning, what happened?
M: Well, I hopped in the car, listened to sports talk radio, thought about what I had to do for the day, and got to the office 20 minutes later.
UM: Did you kiss your wife goodbye and tell her that you loved her?
M: (looks down at the ground and doesn’t say anything)
UM: You slammed the door on your way out because she hadn’t ironed the right shirt, didn’t you?
M: (sheepishly) Yes.
UM: And on the morning commute, did you bless those on your right and on your left?
M: (sarcastically) Why don’t you tell me?
UM: Well, you asked for my father’s condemnation on three people, and you questioned whether one man’s mother was a female canine…
M: (interrupting) He cut me off!
UM: And what did you say this morning when you were driving to church and an elderly woman was crossing the street?
M: Well…
UM: C’mon…
M: (quietly) I wondered how many points I could get for hitting her.
UM: Would that have been my father’s will?
(the man says nothing)
UM: You see, there’s a part of my father’s will that requires you to take an active part! You can’t pray that his will be done on earth as it is in heaven if you aren’t willing to be an agent of that will!

And that's where it ended. I never finished it. But it caused me to think about some things. What did I say a couple of posts ago? "Jesus is Lord. The implications of that statement are still being determined." My problem is never with the ambiguous issues that have implications yet to be determined; my problem is always with the things I know to do and never do, or the things that I know I shouldn't do but do anyway. "I confess to almighty God, and to you my brothers and sisters, that I have sinned through my own fault, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do."

I don't need to pray to know God's will; most of the time I know God's will, I just need to do it.

Go ahead and discuss amongst yourselves.


Post a Comment

<< Home